I've been dating a librarian, and she's always checking me out.

I've been dating a professional geologist, and she's been teaching me about the different types of rocks and how they're formed.

But honestly, I'm more interested in the fault lines in her personality and how they affect our relationship.

My girlfriend got mad at me because I can never remember where I put my keys, but I always know exactly where she keeps her vibrator.

I told her, 'Honey, one offers the remote possibility of getting me out of the house, the other offers some friendly competition.'

My girlfriend told me she wanted a man who knows how to use his tongue to really pleasure her.

So I started reading her audiobooks.