Why did the man name his dick 'Cashew'?

Because every time he got excited, it went nuts.

My wife always tells me I'm terrible at home improvement projects.

But last night, she said I was really good at handling a stud.

My piano teacher told me I needed to work on my fingering.

I said, "I'm trying, but not on a keyboard."

My career counselor said I needed to figure out how to get ahead in life.

I told her I thought I was already quite proficient at it.