Why was the computer cold?

Because it left its Windows open.

Your mom asked me to try and fix the coffee maker this morning, because it was really slow and sputtering. I tinkered with it for a bit, but it just wouldn't cooperate.

I guess it was still trying to perk up.

Why did the clock go to the therapist?

It had too many ticks.

Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field!