I've been searching for a affordable apartment

but it seems the only thing I can afford is a participation trophy for trying

I've been trying to adult by following boomer advice

But it turns out 'investing in myself' just means I'm $50,000 in debt with a degree and a Peloton

I finally finished my masterpiece.

It's a spreadsheet tracking all my subscription services.

My boss told us 'we're a family here,'

which is why I'm always guilt-tripped into doing extra work and can never afford to move out.