I've been dating a mathematician, and she's always trying to find the common denominator in our relationship.

But it's always reducing to a fraction of what it used to be.

I've been dating a girl who's a professional voice actor, and she's always doing different accents in bed

But honestly, the only one that ever comes close to the real thing is the one she uses when she's faking it

My girlfriend told me she wanted to try some 'kinky stuff' in the bedroom last night. She pulled out a blindfold, some ropes, and a feather duster.

I asked her, 'So, are we having sex, or are you just finally going to clean that dust bunny under the bed that's been watching us?'

My new personal trainer told me she wanted me to really get down and dirty on the mat. She said I needed to get on my hands and knees, arch my back, and then slowly push and pull, making sure to really get deep into it for a full range of motion.

...I never knew yoga could be so intense.