My date told me he loved how 'effortless' I looked.

I almost choked on my perfectly-crafted oat milk latte, knowing my 'effortless' bun took three attempts, a handful of bobby pins, and a silent internal scream.

I swear some guys on dating apps say they want a 'low-maintenance' woman.

But then expect her to show up looking like she just finished a photoshoot. Honey, my 'low-maintenance' look involves dry shampoo and a prayer.

I spent a solid hour this morning making myself look 'effortlessly put together.'

Which means I've now got about a three-hour grace period before humidity, gravity, or my own face decides to stage a coup.

My main character energy is so strong, if I accidentally spill coffee on my shirt...

...I don't just grab a napkin. I freeze, look directly into a non-existent camera, and whisper, 'Is this... my life now?'