Men love to complain about how women have 'unrealistic expectations' on dating apps.

And then their biggest 'deal-breaker' is that you don't look exactly like their favorite influencer after her 10-step filter routine.

My phone just prompted me to 'Clear tabs and free up space.'

And I thought, 'Honey, if you could see the tabs open in my *brain* right now, you'd just give up and restart.'

Some guys on dating apps say they want a woman who's 'natural,' 'doesn't wear too much makeup,' 'low maintenance.'

But then you show up without a full glam squad and they look at you like you're an uncooked potato.

I bought a new pair of jeans that actually have real, functional pockets.

I've been carrying my phone, wallet, and keys in them all week, just walking around the house, marveling at the sheer novelty.