I spent a solid hour this morning making myself look 'effortlessly put together.'

Which means I've now got about a three-hour grace period before humidity, gravity, or my own face decides to stage a coup.

I saw a guy's Tinder bio that said 'Dog dad seeking same'

Like, are you looking for a girlfriend or a playdate for your bulldog?

I walked into a new coffee shop this morning, and the vibe was just right.

So before I even ordered, I meticulously scouted the perfect table for my 'protagonist deep in thought' moment, complete with a dramatic sip and a pensive stare out the window.

My biggest life goal isn't buying a house or traveling the world.

It's finding a pair of women's jeans with pockets deep enough that my phone doesn't look like it's trying to make a daring escape every time I sit down.