My friend just got new bangs and asked me if they made her look younger.

I took a deep breath, calculated the optimal response time between 'immediate enthusiastic lie' and 'brutal honesty that ends a friendship,' and finally said, 'They definitely... *frame your face*!'

I went on a date with a guy who said he was a 'minimalist'

His apartment had 12 video game consoles and a signed poster of himself

I've started using a productivity app that tracks my daily habits and goals, and it's been really helpful, except for one thing:

it still can't account for the 3 hours I spend each day mentally rehearsing conversations I'll never actually have.

I've noticed that guys on dating apps love to say they're 'foodies'

but their idea of 'fine dining' is just eating a whole pizza by themselves