I had a really important presentation at work today, and I spent hours meticulously preparing my talking points.

But the true internal panic only set in when I realized I'd forgotten my backup hair tie.

My cat just knocked over a vase and shattered it on the floor.

I immediately started narrating the scene in my head, a detached, melancholic voice-over, musing on the fragility of beauty and the chaos of existence, as if I were in a French art house film.

I've been swiping through dating apps, and I've noticed a pattern

Every guy is a 'serial entrepreneur' with a 'thriving business' – which is just code for 'I'm unemployed and play a lot of video games'

My male colleague just got promoted for his 'bold vision' and 'strategic foresight.'

And I just got an email praising my 'excellent organizational skills' after I color-coded the entire department's shared drive.