Men love to complain about how women have 'unrealistic expectations' on dating apps.

And then their biggest 'deal-breaker' is that you don't look exactly like their favorite influencer after her 10-step filter routine.

I bought a new pair of jeans that actually have real, functional pockets.

I've been carrying my phone, wallet, and keys in them all week, just walking around the house, marveling at the sheer novelty.

My male colleague just got promoted for 'seeing the big picture' and being a 'strategic thinker.'

I'm still trying to figure out how to put 'remembered everyone's birthdays AND organized the entire company potluck' on my performance review.

I spent a solid hour this morning making myself look 'effortlessly put together.'

Which means I've now got about a three-hour grace period before humidity, gravity, or my own face decides to stage a coup.