I've been dating a girl who's a professional clockmaker, and she's always trying to get me to

wind her up

I've been taking private lessons from a skilled arborist, and she's been teaching me how to prune with precision, really get to the root of the problem, and help me branch out in new ways.

Now I'm able to penetrate even the densest foliage.

I was helping my neighbor prepare her garden last weekend. She said we needed to get down on our knees, really open up the soil, and plant some fresh seeds deep into the fertile ground. She even said the longer and harder we worked, the better the yield would be.

It was exhausting, but by the end of the day, we had a magnificent bed of tulips ready to burst.

My boss told me I need to stop coming up short on my deadlines.

I told him, 'At least I'm not the one coming early.'