My neighbor, who's a master gardener, told me the key to a thriving patch...

...is knowing exactly when to go deep, get dirty, and give it a good watering.

My girlfriend told me she wanted me to be more adventurous in bed.

I said, 'Honey, I already tried that. Last week I spent twenty minutes looking for your clitoris.'

I've been dating a girl who's a professional librarian, and she's always trying to get me to check out her catalog and see if we have a good connection.

My dentist told me I needed a deep cleaning.

I told him I thought he was only interested in my teeth.