A man and a woman walked into a bar, and the bartender looked up and said, 'What is this, some kind of joke?' The woman smiled and said they were on their first date, and the man had promised to show her a great time.

So he pulled out a condom and said, 'Let's get started on the main course.'

My financial advisor told me I really needed to diversify my assets.

I told him, 'Don't worry, I already have a very well-rounded portfolio.'

My dentist told me I needed a deep cleaning.

I told him I thought he was only interested in my teeth.

My career counselor said I needed to figure out how to get ahead in life.

I told her I thought I was already quite proficient at it.