My girlfriend just bought a new pressure cooker.

She says she loves all the build-up, and then a good, controlled release.

My girlfriend told me she wanted something for her birthday that she could ride all night long.

So I went out and bought her a Peloton.

Why did the man name his dick 'Cashew'?

Because every time he got excited, it went nuts.

My new fitness trainer is really intense. She says the key to a great session is to get really low, push hard against resistance, and focus on those long, deep thrusts for maximum benefit.

Apparently, I'm going to be an amazing competitive rower.