I've been taking sailing lessons from a beautiful instructor, and she's been teaching me how to navigate through tight spots, avoid getting tangled up, and make the most of every stroke.

Now I'm hooked on her techniques.

I've been dating a girl who's into erotic photography, and she asked me to pose for her.

Now I'm a model, but only in the classical sense – I'm only good for a few positions.

My wife was complaining the other day. She said I never properly finish the job, always leaving things uneven and requiring her to pick up the slack, and that I really needed to work on my strokes to get a good, smooth coat.

She was talking about the new paint job in the living room, of course.

My boss told me I need to stop coming up short on my deadlines.

I told him, 'At least I'm not the one coming early.'