I've been swiping through dating apps, and I've noticed a pattern

Every guy is a 'serial entrepreneur' with a 'thriving business' – which is just code for 'I'm unemployed and play a lot of video games'

This dude on Hinge listed his biggest red flag as 'drama queens.'

His entire profile was basically a subtweet manifesto about exes and 'toxic people.'

I saw a guy's dating profile that said he was looking for someone 'natural' and 'low-maintenance.'

And I thought, 'Oh, great. So I'll just skip the *full* eleven-step skincare routine tonight and only do seven.'

I've started using a meditation app to help me relax before bed

Now I'm just competitive about how well I can relax, and I'm pretty sure that defeats the purpose