I've been dating a girl who's a professional voice actor, and she's always doing different accents in bed

But honestly, the only one that ever comes close to the real thing is the one she uses when she's faking it

My girlfriend told me she wanted to spice things up in the bedroom, said she wanted me to try 'anything I've always fantasized about.'

So I spent the night meticulously organizing my sock drawer, occasionally asking her if she liked the new filing system.

My girlfriend recently told me she wanted me to put more effort into our love life. She said she was tired of me just going straight for it and finishing too quickly.

I told her, 'Look, I treat sex like I treat my taxes: I just want to get it over with as quickly and painlessly as possible.'

My wife told me she was having a lot of trouble with her new recipe. She said she was trying to get something big and firm to really swell up, but it just kept getting soft and refusing to rise.

She was making soufflé for the first time.