My therapist asked me what my biggest fantasy was.

I told her: a 40-hour work week.

I love how our company says 'we're a family here'

except when it's performance review time and suddenly I'm a foster kid up for adoption

I asked my parents for housing advice, and they said to just 'save up' and 'be patient'

which is easy to say when your mortgage is paid off and avocado toast was 50 cents

I asked my boomer friend for investment advice

He told me to buy a house, I told him I'd rather buy a Lambo, at least then I'd have a vehicle to sleep in