My buddy was telling me his sex life has been a lot like his internet connection lately.

I asked, 'Slow, constantly buffering, and never quite reaching peak download speed?' He just sighed and said, 'Worse, man. All upload, no bandwidth for the receiver.'

I just started a new job at a bakery, and my boss is very particular about how I handle the dough.

He says I need to come in early, work it hard and fast until it's really stiff, then get it warm and moist so it can rise properly.

I was trying to set up my new home entertainment system last night.

My friend, who's an electrician, said I just needed to make sure all my connections were really tight.

My neighbor called me over late last night, frantic because her pipes were really backed up. She said she needed a big, strong man to come over and give them a good pounding until everything started flowing freely again.

Turns out she just needed a plunger.