I've been noticing a trend on dating apps

where guys list 'traveling' as a hobby, but their only photo is from a weekend in Vegas 5 years ago

I was running errands the other day

and I narrated my entire trip to the post office in a David Attenborough voice, because even mailing a package can be a wildlife documentary if you commit to it

I've started to think that my planner is just a book where I write down all the things I'm pretending to have control over

I was at a coffee shop the other day, meticulously arranging my scarf, latte, and phone to achieve peak 'effortlessly chic' aesthetic.

Meanwhile, my brain was just frantically trying to recall if I turned off the curling iron.