I just spent 20 minutes staring blankly at my fridge.

Not because I was hungry, but because I was calculating the optimal day to buy groceries based on expiring coupons, my work schedule, and the lunar cycle.

My therapist told me I needed to 'be present' and 'live in the moment.'

So now I just aggressively stare at my to-do list, convinced I'm practicing mindfulness.

I was at the grocery store, and as I reached for the last loaf of bread, I felt a surge of drama

So I monologued to the entire aisle, 'It's not just a loaf of bread, it's a symbol of hope in a world that's always trying to toast us'

My morning coffee isn't just a caffeine fix.

It's a carefully curated montage scene, complete with a soulful indie soundtrack and me staring pensively out the window, probably about to write a groundbreaking novel or crack a cold case.