My girlfriend asked if I could help her with her new air mattress.

She said she needed me to really 'pump it up' to make sure it was firm enough for us tonight.

My girlfriend told me she wanted me to be more passionate and put more effort into our sex life.

I told her, 'Baby, I'm putting in all the effort *I've got*. You want more, you gotta start paying me.'

Why did the man name his dick 'Cashew'?

Because every time he got excited, it went nuts.

My personal trainer told me I needed to focus on deeper stretches.

I told him I was already doing my best to get them in every night.