I've been practicing mindfulness in therapy to manage my anxiety

now I'm aware of every thought, including the one that says I'm still not doing the dishes

I suggested replacing our daily stand-up meeting with a simple email update

but my manager said that would 'kill the synergy' – code for 'I love hearing myself talk'.

My idea of 'investing in real estate' is now just buying a really nice tent.

I'm so deep into side hustles,

my main job is starting to feel like a really intense hobby.