When I'm trying on clothes at the store, it's not just a fitting room experience.

It's a full-blown montage sequence set to an indie pop anthem, where I discover my true self in a sensible blazer, culminating in a dramatic slow-motion spin under the fluorescent lights.

He said on his dating app bio that he was 'tired of the games' and 'ready for something real.'

Then his opening message was 'You up?' with a GIF of a dog wearing sunglasses.

I tried meditating this morning, like my wellness app suggested.

Five minutes in, my brain was just a frantic PowerPoint presentation of every undone chore, forgotten email, and questionable life choice I've ever made.

I'm not just running late for work, I'm

orchestrating a thrilling, against-all-odds, commute-as-action-movie sequence, complete with a pulse-pounding soundtrack and an Oscar-worthy monologue about the tribulations of public transportation.