I've been taking private dance lessons from a beautiful instructor, and she's been teaching me how to grind with precision, really thrust my hips, and make every move count.

Now I'm finally comfortable with my body and can tango in front of my family.

My girlfriend told me she wanted to experiment with something new in bed. She said, 'Let's try anal.'

I said, 'Honey, I've been trying that for years. It's called marriage.'

My financial advisor told me I need to be more aggressive with my assets...

...and diversify my portfolio by spreading it around.

My girlfriend wanted to try role-playing in bed last night.

I told her I'd be the mailman, but she'd have to wait outside naked and I'd just leave the package on the porch.