I've been dating a girl who's really into astrology, and she told me our love was written in the stars.

But honestly, I think our love life is more like a lunar cycle – it's all about the phases, and sometimes it's just a dark void for weeks.

My wife said I need to be more hands-on around the house.

I told her I'm happy to help, but she usually wants me to 'drill down' in a very specific area.

Why did the couple bring a magnet on their anniversary date?

They wanted to attract some old sparks.

My personal trainer told me I needed to focus on deeper stretches.

I told him I was already doing my best to get them in every night.