My male friends can leave the house in five minutes flat.

I need five minutes just to locate my 'everyday' purse, which usually contains a rogue earring, three different chapsticks, and the entire emotional baggage of my 20s.

I saw a guy's Instagram story where he posted a photo of his homemade breakfast with the caption 'cooking for one'

which is just code for 'I'm trying to convince you I'm a functioning adult but really I just microwaved an egg'

He put in his profile that he was 'over the drama' and wanted a 'no-fuss, chill' girl.

Then he spent our entire first date explaining why his last four relationships were 'crazy'.

He said he was looking for 'an independent woman' on his dating profile.

And by 'independent,' I think he meant 'a woman who pays for her own drinks, drives herself home, and never asks him to lift a finger around her apartment.'