My manager told me to 'optimize my passion' for the company.

But honestly, my only passion right now is optimizing my sleep schedule.

My therapist told me I need to be more present.

So I opened a new tab on my phone to Google 'mindfulness techniques' during our session.

I finally finished my masterpiece.

It's a spreadsheet tracking all my subscription services.

My boss told us to 'embrace the discomfort of change' right before announcing our new mandatory weekly 7 AM 'synergy' meeting.