I took my cat to the vet, and they said it was having some vision problems.

I guess you could say it was having a paws-itive correlation between its eyesight and its purr-manent blindness.

My wife told me to buy a new calendar.

I told her there was no point, its days are numbered anyway.

I bought a bunch of bananas at the store yesterday, but when I got home, I noticed one of them looked really sad and bruised. It was practically falling apart.

I guess it was feeling un-peel-y.

I'm trying to start a career as a baker, but I'm struggling to knead the dough.