I just had the worst oral sex of my life.

My dentist said I need to floss more.

I told my girlfriend I was thinking of taking up a new instrument.

She said, 'Why? You already have one, and you barely know how to play it yet.'

I've been dating a girl who's a professional glassblower, and she's always trying to get me to help her shape something delicate and fragile.

Now she says I'm really good at blowing things out of proportion.

I've been dating a girl who's really into role-playing in the bedroom

But honestly, I'm getting a little tired of being the defendant