My financial advisor told me I need to be more aggressive with my assets...

...and diversify my portfolio by spreading it around.

My new personal trainer told me she wanted me to really get down and dirty on the mat. She said I needed to get on my hands and knees, arch my back, and then slowly push and pull, making sure to really get deep into it for a full range of motion.

...I never knew yoga could be so intense.

I've been dating a girl who's into tantric sex, which is all about prolonging the experience.

Now I know why her Netflix subscription is still active after 6 months of us watching the same episode of 'Stranger Things'.

My girlfriend told me she wanted our relationship to 'evolve,' to 'reach new heights' and 'explore uncharted territory.'

I thought she meant we should try anal.