My wife told me to buy a new calendar.

I told her there was no point, its days are numbered anyway.

I went to the doctor and said, 'Doc, I've been feeling a little chicken lately.'

He said, 'Don't worry, it's just a fowl mood.'

What do you call a sad strawberry?

A blueberry!

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high

She looked surprised