I've been dating a girl who's a professional cryptologist, and she's always trying to crack my code

But honestly, I think she's just looking for a backdoor entry

I've been taking private lessons to improve my penetration skills

Now I'm a champion archer

I've been dating a girl who's really into astrology, and she told me our love was written in the stars.

But honestly, I think our love life is more like a lunar cycle – it's all about the phases, and sometimes it's just a dark void for weeks.

My girlfriend told me she finds a man who can 'handle his wood' very attractive.

I guess I'd better learn some carpentry.