I've been dating a girl who's a professional glassblower, and she's always trying to get me to help her shape something delicate and fragile.

Now she says I'm really good at blowing things out of proportion.

I've been dating a girl who's a professional voice actor, and she's always doing different accents in bed

But honestly, the only one that ever comes close to the real thing is the one she uses when she's faking it

My date told me she loved a man who could really handle his dough. She wanted me to come over and show her how I work it, get it nice and firm, and then help her make it rise.

We ended up baking bread for her charity bake sale.

My boss told me I need to stop coming up short on my deadlines.

I told him, 'At least I'm not the one coming early.'