My financial advisor told me I really needed to diversify my assets.

I told him, 'Don't worry, I already have a very well-rounded portfolio.'

My girlfriend told me she wanted me to be more adventurous in bed.

I said, 'Honey, I already tried that. Last week I spent twenty minutes looking for your clitoris.'

Why did the man bring a screwdriver on his first date?

He wanted to take things to the next level.

My girlfriend told me she wanted me to go down on her like it was my last meal.

I told her I'd rather save room for dessert.